Dear Sir. We hope you close your account with us because it totally isn’t worth it for us to be your banker. You suck up our bandwidth on our website, clog up the lines at the ATM, and take up space in our parking lot while our customers with semi-respectable balances wait. Now the government won’t even let us stick you overdraft charges like we used to be able to. We will commence taking $6 out of your account each month in hope that this will tick you off enough to take your business elsewhere. Please just go. Sincerely, Bank of America.
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